(no title)

late at night i stop here
and
i wonder what we were
i wonder who you have become
and what you've done with her
but
suppose that this is meant to be
this feeling i call "hell"
lying here
and missing you
and lying to my self

i do not know too much about too much
that much is true
but i know too much of what you've done
i know too much of you

infinite/finite

As cliche as it sounds, I think that we all have our infinite moments.
For some it may be taking the long way home because someone they love is in the passenger's seat. For others it may be looking up at the clock and realizing that it's "their" time. That it's 8:08 and they feel like it was meant to be, or maybe it's 7:17 and they spend the moment thinking of whatever person's that time is.
For you it may be finishing a book that you could never imagine having an ending, or when the perfect song plays in that perfect moment and you feel perfect despite your full knowledge of the fact that no moment is perfect and neither are you.
For me, it's 2:36 am on a week night. It's opening my best friend's window and climbing through. It's feeling content with myself even though I know I shouldn't.  It's a walking the block and a half from my house to Walgreens in the middle of the night just because I can. It's writing another one of these pointless entries in a pointless blog that fully reflects my own pointless life.
It's knowing that I have everything to lose.
It's feeling like I have nothing.
It's all of it.
All of it.

rhyming, or something

i feel sick and I don't know why
i feel less and less like i know my own mind
but that's only normal, still no surprise
so maybe it's the way that i looked in your eyes
and could see I was nothing, nothing at all
or maybe it's how you remind me of fall
of falling and falling, yet feeling so tall
in a world of short people living short lives so small
that they're good and gone by the end of the day
they've searched and they've searched and searched themselves away
and i feel just like them, like there's nothing to say
i've been feeling so sick, i have been since may

Did no one ever tell you?

There's a difference between figuring yourself out and giving yourself out.

Jealousy:Jealous Me

Sometimes I feel like the worst person in the entire world.
I feel unfit and undeserving of everything, and more importantly, everyone that has ever happened to me.
Because I am so selfish with people.
I am so selfish with you.
My friends have friends and I hate it, and I hate myself for hating it.

Color me the darkest shade of green,
if you’ll color me at all.

never come undone.

the light blue of a morning sky
creeps into the darkness of another forgotten shadow
like the sun proudly walks toward the domain it knows belongs to him
and here i lie
on a domain of my own
watching as this happens (and
wishing that i wasn't)
as daydreams form where the real
dreams were
and i begin to take the day as it has been given to me,
underhandedly and on the batteries
of two days past

why can i not find sleep
it's as if I've forgotten how